Narcissist not me !!

 This morning I went to the shops and went to my usual hang out of Waterstones. I was busy looking at the CBT books and self help books. I noticed that as  I looked at books on what makes you happy other such books I over heard a couple talking. 

I listened in pretending to look at a books. This is how the conversation went.

" She's so full of herself, I really don't like her" Said the big black girl who so I gather was on the way to a doctors appointment. 

" I know I just don't like people like that so inward looking and never really see the whole picture"

As they talked they described how they did not like narcissistic people and that although they drain a lot of energy and suck the life out of you they needed to have empathy  for them. They may never speak to them and distant themselves from these toxic people. They finished the conversation saying that they thanked God that they were not Narcissistic themselves. I so wanted to say that we all had Narcissistic tendencies but decided to look at the history books instead. 

On the bus going home I reflected on this overheard discussion.  A few years ago I was caught up in the power struggle of a very narcissistic person. They sucked the life from me and almost destroyed who I was as a human being. In the end I had to call them out and distance myself from them. I regained the power. This is what we must do with people like this is regain the power. Show them that you are actually in charge of the situation and walk away how ever hard they try and draw you into their web. I am in a lot better place now and with people that love me for who I am. I have worked through my own tendencies and actually laugh at them when I notice them in my life and my social interactions. 

Don't get sucked in notice them and where they are coming from. Remember that the only control they have comes because you are letting them take it. Regain control and live your life with those that love and care for you

While we may have ideas of what narcissism looks like, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V) lists nine traits and characteristics that are clinically significant in determining if someone’s super-sized ego may be something more than just self-confidence. At least five of the following traits must be exhibited to meet the diagnostic criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

1. Grandiose sense of self-importance. This is the belief that your contribution and presence are essential to the happiness, success, or equilibrium of other people and any enterprises or relationships. “The project would have tanked if I hadn’t been on the team.” “If it weren’t for me, who knows where my spouse would have ended up!”

2. Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love. This describes the belief that you are capable of exceptionally high levels of achievement even when your skills or abilities provide no evidence of this being possible. “If I get this job, I’ll soon be writing my own paycheck and running the company.” “I’ll ace the LSAT and get a free ride to Yale law school. Wait and see!”

3. Belief that he or she is special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions. This resembles the “I want to talk to the manager” mindset in that narcissists firmly believe that they should only have to deal with the top-level person in any institution. They try to insert themselves in high-status cliques, meetings, or social groups even if they’re unwanted. “Yes, the director and I go way back; we’re good friends and I know she’ll be eager to hear my perspectives." “I’ll be speaking with the CEO to set up a meeting to talk about these new directives and let them know what my thoughts are on the matter.”

4. Need for excessive admiration. The narcissist isn’t satisfied with a compliment or pat on the back when others offer them as a part of natural conversation. They demand that others admire their appearance, accomplishments, skills, or existence. The admiration of others is what feeds the narcissist. “Isn’t it amazing how the color of this shirt sets off my eyes?” Boasting is second nature to narcissists, and compliments are typically recounted innumerable times to others as proof of their superiority.

5. Sense of entitlement. Narcissists may believe that success takes hard work – but only for others, not for them. They totally believe that they deserve the best tickets, the top score, the nicest room, or the best seat in the house. They don’t even have to verbalize this belief as their behavior and actions clearly communicate their sense of entitlement.

6. Interpersonally exploitive behavior. Narcissists see other people as tools. Their lack of self-awareness is paralleled by a lack of awareness that others exist as individuals with feelings, needs, and desires. “Get out of my way.” “Do me a favor and give up your place in line for me.” Whatever they ask for, it’s in their own selfish interest and they suffer no guilt for expecting others to sacrifice for them.

7. Lack of empathy. This is the cold inability to accurately recognize how other people feel. This speaks to the narcissist's lack of emotional awareness or depth. It is not always that narcissists don’t “care” about another’s feelings, it is just that they are unaware that others might even have those feelings.

8. Envy of others or belief that others are envious of him or her. This describes the narcissist’s constant comparison of themselves to others, wishing for themselves the success others experience, and the false belief that everyone else is envious of them. That’s how they keep their egos intact. Being perceived as “normal” or “subpar” would represent an ego wound they could not handle. A narcissist might say, “Everyone notices me when I enter the room. They know that they’ll never be as successful as me.”

9. Demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudes. Arrogance and conceit are traits that are often noticed first in narcissists. This is evidenced by disrespect for the positions or rights of others and the narcissist’s willingness to demand and expect that others will bend to their will. Like exploitative behavior, this behavior can be easily noticed without the narcissist having to say a word. They’ll break in lines, use patronizing tones, and act as if they have every right to take away what is rightfully someone else’s. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/202110/the-13-traits-narcissist 

   
   

   
   

   These may help you if you feel you are in a Narcissistic relationship.  The 10th thing I want to say is GET OUT as fast as you can run and save yourself and your sanity.