No Excuse Sunday

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To make it possible for everyone to attend Church next Sunday, we are going to have a Special "No Excuse Sunday"


  1. Beds will be placed in the porch for those who say, " Sunday is my only day for a lie in"
  2. There will be a special area at the back of the Church with sofas for those who feel that the pews are two hard 
  3. Eye drops will be available for those with tired eyes from watching TV until late on Saturday evening
  4. Steel helmets will be provided for those who say "The roof will cave in if I ever attended Church"
  5. Blankets will be distributed to those who feel the Church is too cold; fans for those say it is too hot.
  6. Scorecards will be avalible for those who count the hypocrites present.
  7. Slow cookers will be available on loan (collect after Mass this weekend) for those who can't come to Church and cook lunch for their family.
  8. We will distribute "we're giving Enough" badges for those who feel the Church is always asking for money ; "Pay up" badges for those who think that you don't give enough.
  9. Mass will be broast outdoors (courtesy of the new sound system) for those who prefer to experience God in nature.
  10. Doctors and Nurses will be in attendance for those who plan to be sick on Sunday. 
  11. The sanctuary will be decorated with both Christmas poinsettias and Easter Lilies for those who never seen Church without them
  12. Gas masks will be issued to those who don't like the smell of the incense; miniature thuribles for those who do.
  13. We will provide hearing aids for those who can't hear Father and cotton wall those who would rather not. .

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