Loss

When you loose something very close to you there are many different emotions that we have to deal with. Generally they are both a feeling of lose and worthlessness and anger. We feel that sometimes there is even nothing to get out of bed for. And loss can come in very many different ways. A few years ago I lost my faith. I still went to Mass but I  would class my self as a functional Catholic. I did not engage with anything that was going on. I was lost and found myself in the barren desert where all there seemed to be is darkness. And when you are in this darkness it is very hard to find any sort of light any sort of hope. Even religion and everything that you hold dear seems to be lost. God seemed very far away me. And there are people who send you what seem empty platitudes. These words you most defiantly do not want to hear.   

Many people describe that they are closed off from listening to others all they can hear is their own self doubt their own self anxiety. Notice if you will the word self. Yes we are so caught up it is that the only person who matters is the self. The most important word becomes "I." 

Prayer is lost and find it a waste of time a meaningless act.

So how do we come out of this? The first thing is to draw away from self. Look at others. Look at the world and all it contains. Look at the beauty of God's creation and be recreated. Learn to start to pray again. 
Spend 3 minutes sitting and being with God and gradually work your way up again I call it having a cup of tea with God.  
Ultimately it is learning that God loves you that he has always loved you. Yes even though we are sinners and full short of what God wants of us we are loved by him. I noticed this once when looking at the picture of the Prodigal Son by Rembrandt once of retreat. I was taken back by the Son's brokenness and  humiliation and the Father looking down on him and embracing him in his arms. What wonderful and powerful moment. Allowing the Father to love us with his warm embrace. Not one of condemnation not one of " I told you so" but of love.  To learn and to experience this is the most important thing that we can do. If we hold on to this we know  that we are never abandoned in our loss. 

In funeral Masses one of the most popular readings is the one from St John the opening lines speak of trusting in him. So often we forget this. We think that we can do it and go alone. We fail to put our trust in God and therefore we feel abandoned. I encourage you at those times of your lives where things go wrong or life takes an unexpected turn that you use this reading the Good News as a mantra. God knows what he is doing even if we seem not to have a clue. " Trust in me" he is telling us. I am with you always yes till the end of time. 

So, loss is hard it feels rubbish. But, we have someone who can help and that someone is Jesus that some one is God. So learn from him and put your trust in him and in time, and it does take time, you will begin to understand how much you are loved by God. 

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